


We Dreamed of a New Life

by tokiNOOO (tokino)



Series: We Still Survive [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angry Eren Yeager, Forced Pregnancy, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Pregnancy, Spoilers, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:19:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokino/pseuds/tokiNOOO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you know how much trouble we could get into if we’re caught?”</p><p>“Can’t be any worse than the trouble I’m already in.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To any new readers who might stumble upon this: since this is a sequel/continuation to Forgotten is the Life We Led, I doubt this will make much sense unless you read that first.

Life in the mountain village was difficult. Everyone eked out a living by sharing provisions, labor, and hardships. They were ruled by the elders, a small council comprised of the oldest, wisest shifters who had been alive for almost a century and—it was rumored—had been the first children sent to investigate the walls, when they were first discovered by human settlers. Other rumors said they were a group of those human settlers who had defected and decided to live out life in titan-infested land, learning to tame the power of transformation and have it at their command.

There wasn’t any reliable way to know what was true and what wasn’t, so Annie didn’t put stock in any of it. She only believed what she could confirm for herself: that working in the fields, no matter how hard they did so, just didn’t produce crops some years; that there wasn’t any denying she was the oldest of three children and therefore had the unpleasant responsibility to be the most mature despite being just eleven years old; and that she was a beta, the middle class of their small society that was, in essence, the most boring, plain, and unneeded of them all.

Annie supposed it was only natural. She wasn’t friends with anyone in particular, even though their village was close-knit and probably inbred at some point or another, and she didn’t really want to be. Her mother fretted it about it now and then, when her hands weren’t full with the twins. In contrast her father would sit outside with her on clear nights and tell her she was fine the way she was.

She didn’t know all of the details about why she was chosen to infiltrate the walls, only that the previously selected beta had been killed during a practice trip down the mountain and a new one was needed. Her father wouldn’t tell her anything beyond that, other than that she couldn’t trust anyone. So she didn’t.

There was a small crowd at the entrance to the village when she and her father arrived, consisting of the elders and two small figures who would be her companions. The shorter, stockier boy was blond and still smelled like a child, though he did look like the kind who would eventually present as an alpha. The other boy was taller and thinner and had the unmistakable scent of an omega. It made Annie’s lip curl. It was like the scent of an animal caught in a trap, waiting to be put out of its misery and consumed.

“Reiner,” one of the elders said, touching the blond boy’s shoulder, “Bertholdt. This is Annie.”

“I know,” Reiner said, giving Annie a broad, open smile that wasn’t returned. “We've spoken before.”

“We must be brief,” another elder said, taking Annie by the hand. She was so old that her skin was wrinkly and paper-thin, blotched with bruises. “You will accompany Reiner and Bertholdt to the walls.”

“I know,” she said. “Dad explained it to me.”

The elders looked at her father as a group. They turned their interest toward him, leaving Annie with the boys. She could hear them talking and tuned out Reiner’s attempts to be conversational.

“Of course we’d ask someone else if we could,” one of the elders was saying, “but Annie is the only beta of the right age group who has siblings.”

“We understand,” Annie’s father said. He looked at Annie and for a moment she thought he would take her in his arms and tell her goodbye. Instead he looked away, as if he were ashamed, and walked back toward their house. The elders sent them off after securing extra rations into their bags.

They only had two horses, since it would have taken too much of a toll on the village for them to offer up any more. Reiner and Bertholdt rode together, leaving Annie to keep watch of their spare pack. Reiner made an effort to ride side by side with her, which she allowed, if only because it would have been too bothersome to make him stop.

“They didn’t really fill you in on the plan, did they? Since Berik—” Reiner stopped, ducking to avoid a branch and warning Bertholdt to do the same. “I can tell you.”

She shrugged, figuring he’d tell her no matter what she said.

“When we reach the walls, Bertholdt’s supposed to kick the gate down, then shift back. We have to get inside the district and then I have to kick down the next gate so the titans can get inside the walls. After that we have to make it to the inner walls as refugees.”

“What an awful plan,” she said. “We’ll be eaten before we get there, whether it’s at the gate or inside the district.”

“You probably won’t. All you have to do for now is run for your life.” Reiner laughed at that, a child’s laugh. He probably had no idea what it felt like to take a life, not even a rabbit’s or a deer’s. Behind him, Bertholdt listened to the plan with a fidgety expression. Annie remembered seeing them around the village as they grew up. These two were always together, along with that Berik boy she was replacing. She spurred her horse ahead of theirs and rode in silence. She didn’t belong here.

They rode for a week. Once the mountains were far behind them and they were in dangerous territory, they dismounted at the edge of the forest. Reiner said the first thing they were to do when they were on the open plains was to practice shifting. He assured Annie that he and Bertholdt had had months of training, so she needed the practice more than they did. Annie pricked her finger with the intent to prove him wrong. She was distantly aware of rising into the air, caged by vines of flesh and muscle until her senses were muted and everything felt too big and sluggish. 

As much as she hated to admit it, she wasn’t used to adjusting her movements to accommodate such a large, unwieldy form, so she practiced, ignoring the indignant way Reiner yelped when she brought her large thumb down with the half-hearted intent to squash him.

When they first came into contact with titans, none of them knew what to do other than ride away as fast as their horses could go. Bertholdt clung tight to Reiner when one abnormal titan began to catch up, scuttling toward them at an unusually fast pace. Annie considered their options for a split second before pulling her horse short and jumping from its saddle. Her transformation spooked the horse. She lunged for the titan with unskilled grace and grabbed hold of it, biting out the nape of its neck. She jogged a few meters behind the last horse for the remainder of the day, warding off the titans they came across and killing them when necessary. 

They continued that right until the white wall came into view on the horizon, at which point she left her titan and held tight to Bertholdt until it was his turn to dismount. The titans clawing at the walls began to lumber toward them.

Bertholdt looked back at them helplessly when Reiner spurred the horse away, giving him enough room to transform. He looked lost and scared, just another little kid who had no idea what he was doing. His eyes met Reiner’s, who nodded in encouragement. Bertholdt faced the walls and bit down on his hand.

Bertholdt’s titan took Annie's breath away. She stared up at him, hiding her face from the steam and feeling her mouth go slack when she took in all sixty meters of his frightening form. He was slow but incredibly powerful, the perfect weapon to puncture a hole in the wall’s defenses. She could see why he’d been chosen for the mission—no one else could have been better suited. Reiner guided the horse toward the wall and caught Bertholdt clumsily as his titan dissolved, charging in through the gate, a couple of titans on their heels. The immediate vicinity within the wall was in total chaos; if anyone noticed the three outsiders who came in ahead of the titans, they would soon be eaten.

Their plan went rather smoothly, Annie thought, looking back as she and Bertholdt were crowded around by the swarm of people eager to get on the boats. Reiner’s titan was a large, armored thing that wasn’t nearly as impressive as Bertholdt’s, but it served him well. He managed to shift back and fight his way toward them just before the boat stopped taking any more people. They were cramped near the back of the boat, a perfect place to sit and watch their handiwork unfold.

Annie realized her hands were trembling at some point during the slow ride down the river. She felt like laughing, or maybe crying. Instead she pulled her coat hood up and kept her head down. She hadn’t been prepared to take a life, either.

-

About a month after his heat, Eren lay on his bed in his room, staring up at the ceiling. Most of his days consisted of nothing but lying around and doing . . . nothing. He couldn’t stand the thought of reading Levis books for the twentieth time and he especially couldn’t stand the thought of going downstairs and sitting around with him like nothing was wrong, which didn't leave him with many other ways to pass the time. Nowadays he only got up to go to the bathroom or collect the tray of food that was placed outside his door three times a day, or sometimes go for a walk around the block, always with one of the outside guards at his side.

He moved onto his side and happened to glance at the window, startled when he saw someone staring at him through the glass.

“Hey,” Jean said impatiently, tapping on the glass just hard enough to be heard, “open up.”

Eren stumbled to the window and unlocked it before sliding the glass up. Jean poked his head in and looked around the room.

“Where’s Captain Levi?” he whispered.

“Downstairs,” Eren replied, “probably sleeping.”

“Perfect.” Jean withdrew and straightened back up outside. Eren wondered how he could be perched on the thin sill outside, and then he noticed Jean was wearing the gear. He held one arm out and waited impatiently for Eren to take hold. Eren clung to him, feeling nauseous as he used the gear to swing them from the townhouse down the street, leaving the guards none the wiser. Jean had always been good at the gear, his boasting well-founded. He carried Eren through the air all the way to a rooftop near the wall, at which point Eren had to tell him to stop before he threw up.

Jean sat on his heels and watched as Eren doubled over on all fours and fought the urge to vomit. “You’re out of practice,” he said.

“Really? I wonder why that is,” Eren said sarcastically, looking up once his head stopped spinning. He sat cross-legged and waited for Jean to do the same. “Do you know how much trouble we could get into if we’re caught?”

“Can’t be any worse than the trouble I’m already in,” Jean said, taking off the bag he had on his back and withdrawing a cloth-wrapped bundle that felt lighter than air and smelled like food. He relinquished it to Eren without a fight and watched as Eren untied the cloth, revealing a few small rolls and two short loaves of bread.

Eren ate ravenously, remembering halfway through the second loaf that Jean had said something that sounded important. He swallowed and looked Jean over. He looked rough. His cloak was starting to fray and there were lines on his face that made him seem older than fifteen—or was he sixteen now? Eren had been imprisoned for so long that his grasp of time was starting to slip. Then he noticed one of Jean’s arms was in a sling.

“What happened?” he asked. “Is it serious?”

“It’s just a broken arm,” Jean said, letting Eren fuss over it. “I’m out of commission until it heals. Can you believe it? I have to spend the next two months with my parents, so I figured I’d get something out of it.” He indicated the rolls. “My mom made those.”

“They’re good.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Jean said, watching in mild amusement as Eren ate the last one. They sat on the roof for a while, Eren feeling a bit better now that he had a full stomach and some company that didn’t set him on edge. It was only a matter of time, though. Jean always did have a way of getting him riled up.

Sure enough, after about ten minutes of pleasantness Jean opened his mouth. “What’s up with you?”

“What?”

“You have Mikasa and Armin worried sick. I’m surprised neither one of them have gotten hurt yet, they’re so distracted.” Jean lay back on the roof, his good arm behind his head. “We’ve been given this unbelievable mission to exterminate the titans within Wall Rose. D’you know how fucking impossible that is? We’re dropping like flies. It sounds like it would be a dream for you. You’ve always been a suicidal bastard.”

“Don’t,” Eren said. “Just . . . don’t.”

Jean sat up. He was looking at Eren, but Eren kept his head turned away, not sure he wanted to see what was there.

“I was kind of kidding,” Jean said after a long pause. “It’s hell out there, Eren. It kind of makes me glad you’re not in the middle of it.”

“I wish I were. I’d take that over—over _this_ any day.” His voice cracked a bit. “I feel like I’m losing it, Jean.”

“Hey. Don’t say that.” Jean moved closer, so Eren could feel his body heat, and hear his breathing. He felt calm and sure of himself. “I need something good to say to Mikasa so she won’t come charging back here to make everything better.”

Eren shook his head and looked up at the sky. It was a partly cloudy night. Among the thin wisps of clouds was the occasional dot of light, and in the distance was the moon. He rested his head on Jean’s shoulder, something that surprised them both, but not enough to make either of them move. It was nice to be able to get some fresh air with someone who wasn't in a uniform and equipped with blades. After a while he found himself working up the nerve to speak. “I’m pregnant.”

He felt Jean stiffen beside him. Now that he'd said he couldn't really do anything except continue “It’s Captain Levi’s.”

“Eren—what the—”

“That’s why I’m still being imprisoned.”

“This isn’t funny, Eren!” Jean was shouting. “I’m seriously worried about you and you just want to—to spout off shit like you think this is a joke? _Fuck_!” He got to his feet, leaving Eren to stare as he paced to the edge of the roof and back. He came back over to Eren and wrenched him up by the collar. Eren pushed him away, afraid that Jean would punch him, or maybe kick him in the gut. Jean backed off, breathing hard and looking shaken. “Fuck, Eren, I . . . what . . . ?”

“I wasn’t . . . I wasn't being serious,” he said, unable to keep himself from feeling more than a little hurt at the sheer relief that crossed Jean’s face then, which meant, if only for a second, Jean had believed him, but didn't want to. He didn't want to even know about this when Eren himself didn't have a choice to begin with. He turned his back and went to the edge of the roof himself. “I want to go back. It’s too cold out here.”

Their ride through the district was twice as nauseating as the first time. Eren held onto Jean and didn’t want to let go, leaving Jean to figure out how to squeeze them both through the window so he could drop Eren on the bed.

“Eren,” Jean said. He hesitated, then said, “Don’t _ever_ scare me like that again.”

“No promises,” he replied, earning himself a glare. Jean went back to the window and grappled away, back to where his parents were staying. The cold air wafted in over the rest of the night, keeping Eren awake, or maybe he wouldn’t have slept anyway. He got up around dawn to shut it before someone got suspicious, jumping when someone knocked on his door.

“It’s me,” came that oily voice he hated so much. “I’m here for your check-up.”

“Coming,” he said, locking the window back and going to his bedroom door, letting in the source of his problems. He had to quell another wave of nausea, though not before wondering how good it would make him feel to vomit all over Dr. Marion’s shoes.

As Dr. Marion settled himself in a chair and waited for Eren to sit on the bed, he wished that he had.


	2. Chapter 2

Bertholdt counted up the tally marks he’d scratched into the bricks. By his rough calculations it had been almost four months since he went into labor, which meant his next heat was due within the next couple of weeks.

In a way he was kind of relieved he and Reiner had been separated again; he thought his anxiety about his next heat would only be worse if they’d been cooped up together any longer, counting down the days and trying to pretend like things would turn out okay.

As the tally marks increased, he gradually realized how wrong he was. He missed Reiner. He missed being able to lie together on their cot the way they had when they were trainees, back when they were young and careless. He missed the temptation to bury himself in their false life as soldiers, and how he sometimes wished he’d surrendered to it like Reiner had so they could be blissfully ignorant together, instead of stuck in underground cells for the rest of their lives.

It was a treasonous line of thought, one that wouldn’t do him any good now. What was it Reiner had said—they had to fulfill their duty to the bitter end? Yeah. That sounded like Reiner.

He really missed Reiner.

\- - -

“You don’t know why you’re here?” Hange said, her fingers twitching on top of her notes, dying to document the incredulous face Reiner was making at her from across the table. “Even though you’ve been here for almost a year?”

“That’s what I _really_ don’t understand.” He looked puzzled. “Why would you keep me here for so long when I haven’t done anything?”

Hange sighed. She’d come to see Reiner with the intention of setting up another experiment, one to explore the armored parts of his titan, only to find him incredibly bewildered and indignant about why he was chained up in a prison cell.

She didn’t know what to make of it. He didn’t seem to have amnesia—it was more like his memories were a little askew, or distorted. He honestly didn’t seem to understand that he was being held here because he was a titan shifter.

“I think the experiment will have to wait until later, Moblit,” she said, dismissing him. 

Reiner watched him leave the cell before saying, “Experiment?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Hange regarded him silently for a few minutes. He began to fidget, the cuffs chaining his arms behind him clinking against the back of his chair. Reiner was a little more loose-lipped like this. Back at the beginning of his imprisonment he had kept quiet, even when Levi dismembered him as he was chained to the wall, trying to torture him in order to extract information about the shifters’ mission from him. She wondered if there was a way to jog his memories without putting him on the defensive again. “Can I ask you a few questions?”

He shook his head, eyebrows knitting together in further disbelief. “If anyone here’s got the right to ask questions, it’s me.”

“I guess that’s fair,” she said with a shrug. “What do you want to know?”

“Where’s Bertholdt?” He frowned. “I remember seeing him. He was . . . he looked kind of sick.”

“Sick how?”

“He was all . . . bloated. He—” Reiner looked worried. “Is he better?”

Hange stared at him, wondering what could have caused him to block out so many details of his past to the point that whole months had been warped in his mind. Reiner was starting to look worried and a little upset at her lack of a response, so she hastily said, “Yes, he’s doing much better.”

He didn’t seem to completely buy it, but he relaxed in his chair a bit. “Where is he?”

“He’s in a different cell for now. I wanted to talk to you in private.”

“About what?” he asked suspiciously.

“Well . . . let’s talk about Bertholdt.” She smiled. “You guys seem really close.”

“Yeah. We’ve been friends since we were kids,” he said, his face brightening a bit. “We grew up together.”

“What about Annie?”

“We grew up with her too, though we weren’t always friends with her. I still don’t think we are. We’re—” He stopped, looking confused. “We’re comrades . . .”

“Well, you were trainees together,” she pointed out before he could dwell any further on memories that might snap him out of this mindset. “Where are you three from?”

“A village in the mountains.”

She nodded, picking up her pen and tapping it against the table top. “And you had to leave when the titans invaded?”

“No, we . . . we left voluntarily. Just the three of us.”

She began writing, keeping her grip easy and relaxed so as to not make him suspicious. “Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“You must have had a reason,” she said, looking up from her notes. He was stock still, as if he’d been frozen to his seat, a blank expression on his face. She proceeded cautiously. “You wanted to become trainees.”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, we became refugees after . . . after the wall fell. We wanted to join the military police.”

“What made you and Bertholdt decide to join the scouting legion instead?”

“He joined because I did,” he said. “I joined because . . . because it seemed like the right thing to do.”

Hange wanted to know if he meant it was the right thing to do for their secret purpose, or if he’d genuinely joined the scouting legion on behalf of humanity. She wasn’t sure how she could learn that without disturbing this mindset, so she decided not to press her luck any further.

“Can I go now?” he asked when she stood up.

“Of course not.”

“Well, can I see Bertholdt then? Where is he?”

“You’ll see him before too long. He has something to do first,” she said, going to the cell door. She paused and looked back at him, where he still sat at the table, staring at her. “Get some rest. You’ll need it.”

“I’m tired of resting,” his reply drifted after her.

\- - -

Eren was lying on the loveseat in the sitting room when a guard poked his head in and informed him that he had a visitor. He didn’t stir, just mumbled some kind of reply. Someone plopped down beside him, crowding his legs against the back of the loveseat. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was Jean.

For the past two weeks Jean had been a near-constant presence in the townhouse. Eren didn’t mind, considering he always brought snacks. Right now, though, his stomach was lurching so violently that he was afraid to even think about eating them.

“I’m good,” he said when Jean offered him some kind of pastry. Jean shrugged and popped it into his mouth. Eren had never been one for sweets, anyway. “How are you?”

“Same as I was yesterday: bored.” He leaned back against Eren’s legs. “I got a letter from Mikasa and the others. They’re all holding up okay.”

“That’s good.”

“How are _you_? Still sick?”

“Yeah.”

Jean ate another pastry. “You should tell Captain Levi.”

“He knows.”

“Where is he, anyway? I haven’t seen around in a few days.”

Eren sat up and extracted his numbing legs from between the cushions and Jean’s bony ass. He set them in Jean’s lap before settling back down on the pillows he’d gathered earlier. “I think he went to go see Commander Erwin. Well. He’s not the commander anymore, is he?”

“No one’s sure at this point. We’ve got some asshole running the legion in his place while the king takes his time figuring out what to do with him. I thought anyone would be an improvement over him but I was wrong.” Jean shook his head. “At least Erwin only sacrificed us when he had a reason, or there weren’t any other options—this new guy just does it because he doesn’t know what else to do with us.”

“I guess we’re all screwed.”

“I never thought I’d hear _you_ say that.”

“Me neither.”

Jean’s hands settled on his legs, tense. Eren sighed. “Stop taking everything I say so seriously. I was joking.”

“It can’t be just a joke if it’s bothering you so much.”

Eren took a handful of pastries and stuffed them in his mouth, wishing Jean would talk about something else.

“Ah, fuck,” Jean said, exhaling heavily. “Is this about that first night I dropped by?”

“I told you, I was just messing with you.” He set his feet on the floor and left the sitting room. Jean followed him and stood outside the bathroom door while Eren tried to retch as quietly as possible. He considered waiting in there until Jean left, but it wouldn’t surprise him to find Jean still waiting outside, no matter how long he stayed in there. He rinsed his mouth out before opening the door. Jean was obnoxiously close the whole way up the stairs to his bedroom, as if hoping he could annoy Eren into talking.

“Eren,” Jean said as Eren got in bed and buried himself under the blanket. He sat down on the edge of the mattress and looked down at him in exasperation. Eren closed his eyes and faced the wall. He shivered when Jean touched his hair, his fingers stroking through his locks gently. “I’ve been thinking about what you said. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was just . . .”

He just wouldn’t drop it. “Disgusted?”

“No! No.” Jean’s hand moved to his jaw, turning his head so they were looking at each other. “I just couldn’t believe it. But I know you wouldn’t say something like that unless you meant it. You’ve always been way too sincere.”

“And you’ve always been way too blunt.” Eren pushed his hand away. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry I brought it up at all.”

“I’m just saying you can talk about it with me now,” Jean said. “If you want to.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Eren—”

“I want to rest.” Eren turned his head away again. “I’m tired.”

“Do you want me to stay with you until Captain Levi gets back?”

“No.”

It was quiet once Jean was gone. Eren stayed under the blanket, dozing fitfully. He woke up around dusk, feeling even more exhausted than he had before his nap. He heard the creak of the stairs and, on an impulse, got out of bed and opened the door, coming face to face with Levi, who held out the tray of food he’d brought up. Eren took it and remained standing in the doorway.

“Where are you going?” he asked when Levi turned and made to go back downstairs.

“Someone left crumbs in the sitting room. They’re not going to clean themselves up.”

“Can that wait?” Levi looked back at him as if he’d just spoken blasphemy. “I want to talk.”

It was uncomfortable being in the same room as Levi now, infinitely more uncomfortable than putting up with Jean’s questions had been. At least then Eren hadn’t been the one who needed to initiate conversation. He set the tray on the floor by his bed and sat back down, trying to steady his breathing. “I can’t stay here with you.”

“You want to go back to the dungeons?”

He shook his head before bowing it, unable to look at him.

“You want _me_ to go back to the dungeons.”

“I don’t see why the strongest soldier of the scouting legion should be assigned to look after one shifter,” Eren said, “when there are four in the dungeons that need more surveillance.”

He glanced up to see Levi looking at him, his ever-present scowl in place. “You have a point. And you’ve behaved yourself like you promised, so I’m sure that Marion bastard can’t complain there.”

“Who _is_ he?” Eren blurted out. “He can’t be just a doctor.”

“He is. He’s also a titan researcher, kind of like four-eyes is. Considering he knows so much about humans _and_ titans, it makes sense he’d be put in charge of studying shifters like you.”

“How is forcing us to—you know—I mean, what can he learn from that?”

“He said he didn’t want you doing it with Reiner since it would only upset you.”

Eren sat back against the wall, feeling twice as exhausted as he had just ten minutes ago. “Like I’m not upset now?”

“I’m sorry,” Levi said haltingly. “I . . . I wanted to refuse, but—”

“It’s okay. I just don’t want to be around you anymore. I _can't_ be.”

“I understand.”

No, he didn’t. Eren would rather be tied up and beaten before admitting _why_ he didn’t want Levi around. He was tired of lying awake at night, consumed with the memory of Levi’s lean body against his, and how gentle he’d been in spite of everything. He was horrified every time he caught himself thinking of how it’d felt to be fucked, and he was even more horrified by how much it hurt to stay holed up in his room by himself. He didn’t want Levi to go away—quite the opposite—but something had to be done. They needed a clean break.

“I’m going to go finish cleaning,” Levi said, standing up. “If Jean comes back over tomorrow make him stay outside. I won’t abide crumbs in the house, even if I’m not here.”

“Yes, sir.” Once he was gone Eren sat down on the floor and picked at his food, still feeling too sick to really eat any of it. He made himself choke it down anyway and tried to focus on something other than how Levi’s scent still lingered in the room.

He gave up and leaned against the bed frame, sliding a hand into his pants and palming his already hard cock. He stroked himself slowly, not sure what he was trying to accomplish and why. His hips rocked back and forth, as if from imaginary thrusts. He spread his legs and pushed the hem of his pants down his thighs, allowing his cock to stand free.

He moaned quietly as his hands teased his cock and his aching nipples, never resting on one spot for too long. He realized he was trying to mimic the way Levi had touched him and sat up suddenly, feeling dirty. His cock twitched enticingly as he pulled his pants back up and crawled into bed. He was sick of being a slave to his own emotions and desires. It had to stop.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long absence--I wanted to take a break during finals week and then I got sick just in time for winter break :|

Reflecting on it, Annie wondered if her ill-fated feelings, whatever it was exactly that she felt, for Eren had been unwittingly spurred on at least in part because he was an omega. And Annie had had a _long_ time to reflect.

Being a beta, she had a rather dull, unrefined grasp of the intangible differences among herself and her comrades in comparison to Reiner, but after the first year of being in close quarters with them she grew a little more attuned. She was used to people trying to strike up conversations and attempt to be friendly against her will, but no one had ever let her be, let her feel a little proud of the fact that she didn’t participate in training and could still hold her own in a fight. Eren would probably kill her now if they ever came into contact again. At the very least, he could try.

Less than a month before their graduation, Bertholdt went into heat and removed himself from their company like he always did. Annie tolerated Reiner for the first few days, trying to be understanding, but her patience never lasted the entire week. She knew that Bertholdt and, by extension, Reiner were particularly agitated this time around, since Bertholdt was going to kick down the gate to Trost in just a few weeks. 

“He’s been acting strange lately,” Reiner muttered to her at dinner on the first night of Bertholdt’s heat. “He doesn’t talk to me anymore unless I say something first. He doesn’t . . . we don’t—you know . . .”

Annie didn’t have much personal interest in what went on between them, but it was her duty to mediate for them when they had issues, even if they weren’t actually a mated pair. God knew they wouldn’t talk about it to each other. 

She set her fork down and looked him in the eye. “I can’t help you.”

“Thanks for the advice,” he said sarcastically. “I know you like to slack off on your duties, but this is kind of important.”

“My commitment to our mission might waver on occasion, but I keep it to myself.” Annie realized she’d let her temper get the best of her, but if Bertholdt was just going to lie down and let this farce continue then she supposed she’d have to be the one to stop it. “I don’t let it affect how I perform my duties, I don’t involve anyone else in my own emotional issues, and I certainly don’t pretend to love someone when I’m not sure I do.”

Reiner’s face convulsed as if she’d kicked him in the groin. “I’m not _pretending_ —I—how can you—”

Annie looked around. The mess hall was full and lively as always and no one around them was close or quiet enough to eavesdrop. “Do you remember our mission?”

“Of course I—”

“Do you _really_?”

Reiner moved his mouth wordlessly for a moment. “Yeah. Yeah . . .”

“The two of you shouldn’t have fooled yourselves into thinking you were mates,” she said, going back to her soup. She could practically feel the heat of Reiner’s glare. “We have a mission to carry out. Don’t drag me into something like this again.”

“I don’t plan on it, considering how many other people are just dying to sit with you and waste your precious time.” He stood up from the bench and stormed off, his shoulders tense and his jaw clenched, a picturesque angry alpha. The other trainees got out of his way as fast as they could. A few of them sent curious glances Annie’s way, wondering what she could have said or done to piss off someone as easy-going as Reiner.

Something about his words struck a nerve deep down in a place Annie thought she’d buried and forgotten about a long time ago. She decided to stroll through the woods after dinner by herself, declining Mina’s offer to accompany her. The trees were small and welcoming here, nothing like the wild forests that sprawled for miles outside the walls. She left the mess hall and headed for the training grounds, literally running into Eren at the corner of the showers.

“Oh,” he said, stumbling back and throwing a hand against the wall for support. He was breathing hard, almost panting. “It’s you, Annie. I thought maybe Mikasa . . . what are you doing out here?”

He was acting strange, as skittish as a deer. Annie wondered if maybe she’d sent him flying a bit too hard at training the other day. “I wanted to be alone.”

“Me, too,” he said faintly. “I was actually . . . trying to go to the utility shed . . . can’t stay here . . .”

“I can help you get there, if you want,” she said, surprised at herself. Eren shook his head and lurched forward.

“’m fine.” He tottered off and he made his determined, unsteady way to the utility shed, not looking fine at all.

Being stuck in a crystal for so long gave her ample time to replay that memory over and over in her mind. Now that she knew Eren was a shifter, she felt it was reasonable to conclude that he was an omega. There was no other way to explain how his disappearances always roughly correlated with Bertholdt’s heats. At the time Annie had never cared enough to think too much about it, but now she had nothing to do _but_ overanalyze it and wonder how she hadn’t seen it sooner, and then wonder if the knowledge would have changed anything. She liked to think it wouldn’t have.

She buried herself in memories, ones from the village. She missed the mountains and her family, even her annoying younger siblings. She relived her time as a trainee again and again and again, those times when she _almost_ allowed herself to slip up and act as if she belonged with them, as if she wanted to belong with them. She remembered nights when Mina would ask to braid her hair. She remembered training exercises and chores when she was forced to interact with other people, how Marco would occasionally go out of his way to ask her if she’d liked to do gear maintenance together. She remembered the night before Bertholdt was to kick down the gate to Trost, how he’d sought her out at the girl’s barracks and just loomed over her, a trembling, incoherent, nervous wreck.

“What do you want?” she asked, blowing a few stray strands of hair out of her face. She’d almost been asleep, having gone to bed early to prepare herself for the next day, when Sasha woke her up and said Bertholdt was asking for her.

“Reiner said he wants to join the scouting legion.”

“Everyone wants to join the scouting legion now,” Annie said. Eren and Jean’s fight in the mess hall had been oddly inspiring to a lot of the other trainees. “He’s just saying that to play along.”

“He told _me_ specifically,” Bertholdt whispered miserably. “‘Bert, I think I’ll join the scouting legion. Don’t you think Krista will be impressed?’”

Annie had no idea what to say to that. She clutched at the hem of her jacket. “Well, as long as he remembers what he has to do tomorrow—”

“What if he doesn’t? This isn’t the first time this has happened.”

“He doesn’t listen to me,” she said, exhaling. “You’re going to have to pluck up the nerve to set him straight whenever he does—whatever it is he’s doing.”

“He doesn’t listen to me either,” he said helplessly.

“That’s because you never say anything to him in the first place.”

Despite all that, she wasn’t sure she could say Reiner had ruined their plan at Trost, not when Eren had popped up out of the blue, a rogue, an unknown, uncontrolled variable. Their goal shifted after that. And all she could think about as she crystallized was her own failure.

She wasn’t quite sure what brought her attention back into the here and now. She was aware of what happened outside of the crystal, if only at the very fringes of her consciousness. There was some kind of commotion that pulled at her senses, but she didn’t wrench herself from her memories until the smell hit her.

As soon as she realized what it was the crystal began to dissolve. When her head was free she looked around, taking in her surroundings with clarity for the first time in ages. She was in some kind of rank, musty-smelling cell with a low ceiling and two torches. When her hands were free she twisted her torso and sought out the source of the cloying, nauseating scent of an omega in heat.

There was Bertholdt, huddled against the wall. If his smell was so thick and intense that even she could discern it this easily, then he must have been there for half of his heat already. As the last of the crystal dissolved away and Annie was able to drop to her knees, she wondered what the hell Bertholdt was doing here at all.

“No,” she said. There was only one explanation for why he was down here with her. He stirred but didn’t look at her. “No, please. Please tell me Reiner wasn’t captured, too. _Please_.”

“He was,” Bertholdt said hoarsely. Annie crawled toward him, her legs too stiff and unsteady to walk on. She touched his cheek and pulled him close, pressing his face against her shoulder and her neck so her scent would calm him. He was trembling uncontrollably and every so often a spasm racked through his body.

“Tell me what happened,” she said, forcing herself to remain calm even though she felt anything but. All of their work, all of that _hell_ they’d subjected themselves to—it’d all been for nothing. “What happened after I was captured?”

In a choked voice he told her about the titans in Wall Rose and seeing the Ape Titan at Castle Utgard, and about how Reiner had pulled Eren aside on top of the wall and blown their cover.

“That _idiot_ ,” she hissed. Bertholdt shifted uncomfortably from where she’d relocated him to her lap. “So they captured you after that?”

“Not immediately. We almost managed to capture Eren and take him back to the village. But then Ymir . . .”

“Ymir?” Without thinking about it she touched Bertholdt’s face again. His skin was warm and slick with sweat.

He shivered before saying, “She’s a shifter, the titan that ate Berik. She made us go back for Krista. We still could have gotten away with her and Eren if—if I hadn’t—it’s _my_ fault—”

“Shh,” she said when he started to writhe in agitation. It was the only thing she could think of to say. If Reiner were here he would instinctively know what to do to calm Bertholdt down. She was at a loss at what to do other than hold him and go over everything she’d missed since she’d been captured. “How long have you been here?”

“A-about a year.”

She inhaled sharply. She’d been expecting him to say a few months, perhaps. That was an excessively long time. If the military police or whoever had only wanted information then surely they would have gotten it and killed Reiner and Bertholdt by now.

“Bertholdt,” she asked quietly, “what have they done to you?”

\- - -

Eren was outside in the garden when Hange dropped by for a visit. She joined him out by the flowerbed where he was reading a book on how to care for them.

“What’s all this?” she asked, peering over his shoulder. “I didn’t know you were interested in gardening.”

“I’m not. I don’t have the first idea how to take care of plants.” He shut the book and tossed it aside in frustration. “But I need something to do and it seemed like waste just to ignore them after Captain Levi went to all the trouble of planting them.”

“Well, maybe you’d like to know that I’ve got a job for you!” She steered him inside, not even letting him wipe the dirt off his boots. “I’m sure now you’ll be plenty busy.”

He froze in the doorway when he saw Moblit at the kitchen table, cradling a bundle of blankets that was moving and making noise. A similar one was in a basket on the table. “Oh, no,” he said when Hange picked it up and brought it over to him. “ _No_. You can’t be serious. I’m not looking after them.”

Hange let the baby grab hold of her fingers and suckle on them. She glanced up at him hesitantly, her smile slipping a bit. “Well . . . you’ll need the practice, Eren.”

“I—”

“Moblit and I have been taking care of them until now, but we have other things to attend to. Dr. Marion agreed to let us give them to a foster parent on the condition that it be you.”

“I don’t know anything about babies,” he protested, following them to Captain Levi’s bedroom and seeing with horror that someone had already constructed one crib and part of another. “I can’t—I don’t—”

“Moblit will stay with you for a week or two and help you get accustomed. After that I’ll need him back to help me with the other shifters.” Hange turned to him and gave him a tired smile. “I had a couple of cute names picked out but their parents had other ideas. This little guy is Balder. His mouth is always open because he cries more. The one with the redder cheeks is Váli.”

They looked the exact same to Eren, two little squirming things that hadn't done anything to deserve being in this mess. Despite his protesting Hange transferred the baby she held, Balder, to him and gave a few short instructions that might as well have been spoken in another language. He lowered himself on the mattress and watched helplessly as Hange finished constructing the second crib. True to her description Balder began to vocalize his displeasure about something Eren couldn’t deduce, leaving it up to Moblit to gently explain how to change diapers.

When Jean showed up a few hours before dusk, he found Eren at the kitchen table, cradling his head.

“Rough day of nothing?” he said, sitting across from him and patting him on the shoulder.

“Fuck you,” Eren snapped.

Jean pulled his hand away. “Sorry, geez. What are you so pissy about?”

“You really have to ask?”

Jean paused, looking toward the corporal’s bedroom door. Eren could hear it, too: the unmistakable sound of babies crying. “What the—are those—are those yours?”

“No,” Eren said, looking up. “They’re Reiner and Bertholdt’s. I’m just taking care of them. For . . . practice.”

Jean closed his eyes, not saying anything. Eren couldn’t really blame him.


	4. Chapter 4

Balder was crying again. Eren eased himself out of his chair in the kitchen and went down the hall to the first floor bedroom. The crying decreased the second he stepped foot in the room. Though he was tired and more than a little irritable, he couldn’t stay mad. Balder only cried because he was lonely.

Eren wasn’t sure what normal baby behavior was, but he was sure Balder would be considered louder and fussier than most. He moved around even when asleep and didn’t like being cooped up in his crib. His brother was more subdued, content to be held and fed at Eren’s convenience, which was usually whenever he was done attending to Balder. Váli didn’t have much interest in joining in on Balder’s near-constant squalling and would lie quietly in his crib most of the time, which often made Balder think he’d been left alone. Eren smiled in spite of himself and lifted Balder up.

Balder settled down after a couple of minutes of gentle rocking. After a while he even fell asleep, for once as still and quiet as Váli. Eren’s smile dropped as it occurred to him that this was the first time he’d ever held Balder until he went to sleep. He could just imagine Dr. Marion watching this and having something weird to say about omegas.

Jean came into the room without warning. Once Moblit went back to be with Hange, Eren was left to take care of the twins by himself, which meant he was almost never available to answer the door, so over the past two months Jean had taken to coming into the house uninvited. He usually waited for Eren in the living room. 

Jean didn’t like being in this room. Eren had seen the way he looked around at the bed and the cribs the last and, until now, only time he’d been in here. Eren couldn’t quite name the emotion Jean must have been feeling, but it looked almost like disgust. For some reason it had made Eren feel ashamed.

“Oh, come on,” he muttered, turning his back to Jean and carrying Balder to his crib. Balder’s large doughy face scrunched up and began to turn pink with another impending crying fit. “I just got him to calm down.” He set Balder down and almost kissed his forehead before remembering Jean was there, and that Jean wouldn’t want to see that. He straightened up and pushed Jean out of the room before he could make any noise.

“You’re late today,” he said once they were in the kitchen. “I hope you brought extra snacks, I’m starving.”

“I got my cast taken off, actually.” Jean turned to face him. He looked exhausted for someone who’d spent the last two months visiting his family and bothering Eren in his spare time, his skin drawn tight and pinched at the corners of his eyes and mouth. 

“That’s good,” Eren said. He paused. “Well, no, that means . . .”

Jean nodded. “I have to go back. God, I’ve been considering breaking something else just so I can stay here.” He dropped into the chair Eren had been sitting in earlier and laughed. “You wouldn’t mind doing me a favor, would you? Shift a little bit and step on my foot or something. I’ll pay you.”

“I haven’t shifted in months, Jean. I’d like to keep it that way.” There were so many guards lurking around that even the smallest hint of a shift would be reported to Dr. Marion. Eren wasn’t eager to find out what the consequences would be.

“So you’d be willing to step on me otherwise?”

“That depends on what you brought me today.”

Jean’s face grew grim as he withdrew a folded letter from his coat and set it on the table. Eren sat across from him, smoothed it out, and read it. He recognized Mikasa’s handwriting, so small and cramped it was hard to decipher. He read a paragraph before leaning back in his chair, feeling his head spin.

Armin was injured. At the time of Mikasa’s writing, they weren’t sure if he was going to recover. He’d lost a lot of blood, Mikasa wrote. Her handwriting became almost illegible at that part.

“When are you going back?” Eren asked, his voice faint.

“Tomorrow.” Jean took the letter back and glanced over it before tucking it away in his pocket again. “Eren, I know what you’re thinking—”

“Take me with you.”

Jean shook his head.

“Armin is _dying_ ,” Eren said. “My best friend—I haven’t seen him in months. I haven’t seen anyone but you in _months_ , you know what I’ve been through, you can’t just—I _have_ to see him!”

“You really think you’re going to be allowed to just waltz out of here down into titan territory in your condition?” Jean snapped. “I showed you the letter so you could write one back. I’ll take it to Mikasa for you.”

Eren stood up so fast the chair fell over backward. It hit the floor with a loud bang that would no doubt wake up the twins. The thought of them was all that kept Eren from losing his temper and letting loose all the anger he’d kept bottled up during his imprisonment. He glared at Jean, his chest rising and falling in short stutters. Jean wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Eren picked the chair up and set it upright, forcing himself to stay calm. “You’re not the one I need to get permission from,” he muttered.

He heard the scrape of Jean’s chair when he got up and followed Eren to the front door. Eren stuck his head out long enough to tell one of the guards to send for Dr. Marion. Dusk was falling rapidly. When Eren withdrew back into the main hall and shut the door, he and Jean were enshrouded in darkness.

“Eren,” Jean said quietly. He touched Eren then, put a hand on his shoulder. Eren shoved him away without really meaning to; these days he didn’t like it when anyone got too close to him. He heard a thud as Jean stumbled backward into the door.

“Sorry. I just—don’t touch me.”

“Eren, you shouldn’t go with me.” He heard Jean’s breath hitch. “Do you remember Trost? It’s like that down there. It’s like Trost all over again, only it’s been going on for months and it’s spreading all through Wall Rose. There’s no stopping it. I don’t want you to put yourself through that.”

“I’m not made out of glass, Jean. I’ve seen what the titans can do.” The memory of that day in Shinganshina was always fresh in Eren’s mind. He remembered being too weak to save his mother, even with Mikasa’s help, and he remembered Armin, who had kept his wits about him even when terrified and had run for help so Eren and Mikasa at least could be saved. He went to the living room and sat down on the loveseat, fidgeting. He knew it could be hours before Dr. Marion arrived, yet no amount of time ever helped him feel prepared enough to be around him.

“Suit yourself.” Jean sat down beside him, much too close. Eren could smell flour on him, and some kind of soap. He could feel his body heat. Eren was reminded of the corporal, and how warm his skin was and how clean he’d smelled even when dripping with sweat. Eren moved into a chair on the other side of the room.

Dr. Marion arrived around two hours later. In that time Eren had stayed put in his chair while Jean bustled around trying to keep himself occupied with making dinner. He wouldn’t leave. Eren suspected he was planning to sabotage their meeting.

Jean sat on the loveseat and kept his mouth shut while Dr. Marion went through his usual routine of useless pleasantries. He glanced at Jean as he greeted Eren but didn’t speak to him.

“It’s unusual for you to summon me, Eren,” he said, sounding somewhat amused, as if he knew he made Eren uncomfortable. “And at this hour! Are you well? I hope we haven’t had a repeat of last time.”

Eren sucked in a steadying breath to keep himself from losing his temper again. Pointedly ignoring the curious look Jean gave him, he said, “I want to . . . one of my friends has been injured. I’d like permission to go visit him. Please.”

Dr. Marion’s sparse white eyebrows arched high above his glasses. Eren added hastily, “I don’t want to be there for more than a few days, just long enough to make sure he’s doing okay and that he’ll recover. Please, sir—”

“Absolutely not.”

“—he’s my best friend.”

Dr. Marion’s expression suggested he wouldn’t care even if Armin was heir apparent to the throne. “Eren,” he said, “you are asking me to let you go down into a war zone. I simply cannot risk you getting injured or upset. And even if I could, what would we do with the twins? Squad Leader Hange is no longer able to care for them. I hope you don’t mean to ask if you could take them with you.”

Eren said nothing. That was exactly what he’d been planning to ask, even if it was stupid and reckless and guaranteed to be shot down. He didn’t know what else to say other than, “Please.”

Dr. Marion smiled. His eyes were full of shallow pity. “Mr. Kirstein, is it?” he said. Jean sat up straighter, blinking. “You’d be more than willing to pass along any message Eren might want to send his friend, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah.” Jean winced. “I mean, yes, sir. I already offered to.”

“Then I don’t see why you felt the need to call me out here when you know how busy I am, Eren.”

“Four days,” Eren said desperately. “That’s all I want, is four days. Please.”

Dr. Marion sighed. “Eren . . .”

“Three days, please, sir—”

“Eren.”

“ _Two_ ,” he pleaded, “I just want two days, that’s all I’m asking, _please_ —!”

“Very well.”

The words seemed to break a kind of spell. Eren didn’t realize he’d risen to his feet as he was speaking. He sat down and pressed his legs together, looking at Dr. Marion wildly, wondering what could have changed his mind just like that.

“I’ll let you go down to visit your friend and take the twins with you. Keep in mind, that’s three subjects I’m letting wander down into titan territory—not including however many you’re carrying. What do you think is worth my taking such a chance, Eren? What could you do to thank me?”

Eren stared. Of course there would be a catch, he shouldn’t be surprised. As the silence stretched on Dr. Marion said, as if explaining simple math to a small child, “It’s so inconvenient to have you in this house and not with the other shifters. It would be much easier on everyone if you were closer.”

Of course. Eren had been so good, he’d done everything he could to be calmer and quieter so he could stay in this house and pretend he could live a somewhat normal life. Of course it would be taken away from him.

No, he thought viciously. He would give it up on his own terms. If it meant he could see Armin, and Mikasa, and all the others—he’d give it up for good.

“Understood.”

Over the course of their conversation Jean had watched Eren with his brow furrowed. He continued to stare while Dr. Marion saw himself out, telling him he would be entrusted with escorting Eren along with some guards. Eren leaned back in his chair and shut his eyes, exhaling shakily.

“You’re nuts,” Jean said.

“I’m not in the mood for your smart-ass comments, Jean.” Eren opened his eyes. He needed to go eat finally, or maybe check on Balder and Váli. He needed to do something over than sit here like he had for the past three months, as if waiting could somehow fix everything.

Jean leaned forward and set a hand on Eren’s knee. His lips parted like he was going to say something. Eren heard none of it. It was as if Jean’s touch had been electric; Eren felt a shiver course through his body and then he was hard and wet all at once.

He uttered something that might have been a scream or a sob and kicked Jean’s hand away, drawing his legs up into the chair in front of his body.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I forgot,” Jean said, moving back. “Look, Eren, I just—I hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“Of course I do.”

Jean stood up and lingered for another awkward moment or two. “Well. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning then. So . . . good night, Eren.”

He left the sitting room. Eren heard his footsteps echo down the main hall, then the door open and shut. As soon as he was sure Jean was gone he went to the back yard. He wasn’t wearing shoes, hadn’t worn shoes in weeks. The grass was dry under his feet, brown and shriveled from the oncoming winter. He stopped by the cornflowers the corporal had planted so long ago. Even though he’d tried his hardest to tend to them properly, the flowers were dying.

Eren stuck his hands into the soil and dragged a handful out. He threw it hard across the yard, not bothering to see where it’d gone before seizing another handful and throwing it a different way. When his hands were dirty he kicked the dirt and stomped on whatever hint of blue he saw, until the yard was strewn with the soil and dead flowers and there was nothing left for him to destroy. He clenched his fists uselessly, feeling the burn of the dirt under his fingernails and the soreness seep through his arms. He wiped the dirt on his pants and went back into the house for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE and I outlined the rest of this story so that if real life interferes again at least I'll have a better idea of what to write once I get the chance @____@


	5. Chapter 5

He was a thin, balding man. In a way it made him look like Annie’s father, except her father had been wrinkled and tanned from a lifetime of working hard in the sun. This man was unnaturally pale, almost translucent, as if he’d spent years in these dungeons. His few wrinkles bunched at the corners of his eyes and mouth, which made him look like he was prone to smiling a lot. His was a deceptively kind-looking face. From the second Annie sat down across the table from him she was on guard.

He introduced himself as Dr. Marion, a titan researcher who was interested in studying what sort of medical benefits and drawbacks there were in having a body that could regenerate from injury and sickness and could turn into a monster.

“You shifters are the bridge between titans and humans,” he said. “It’s unfortunate that until now you and your kind haven’t been very cooperative in helping us. I only want what’s best for humanity. We have so few advantages against the titans, you see.”

Annie couldn’t meet his eyes. She glanced around the cell, getting a feel for her surroundings. The scent of Bertholdt’s heat still clung to her. It didn’t arouse any sort of biological reaction in her, though it did make her uncomfortable. Her guards had led her away from the other cell without warning and left Bertholdt by himself in the middle of his heat.

What made her even more uncomfortable was what Berthold told her in the other cell, the reason why they had been kept alive instead of killed even when it became clear none of them would give in to interrogation. It made her skin crawl, that this man would dare to exploit them this way and smile while talking about it. She was tired of being told to do things for the greater good—how could such a thing exist when it was founded by trampling on its seekers?

Dr. Marion cocked his head. The candlelight reflected off of his glasses, making it hard for her to look him in the face. He waited a moment or two to see if she would reply, then said, “That aside, I’m interested in this class system you shifters have set up. I understand that those like Reiner tend to be domineering and sometimes aggressive, and that those like Bertholdt are more subservient and withdrawn. What about you? What is special about you?”

Nothing, she thought. She hadn’t even been a first choice for this fuck-up of a mission, wouldn’t be here if Ymir hadn’t eaten Berik.

“I’m a beta,” she said simply. “I’m supposed to look after Bertholdt when Reiner can’t.”

“You haven’t done a very good job, I’m afraid.” He said it like he thought he was being clever. He leaned back in his chair and regarded her. “I was given orders when you shifters first came into my possession to see if it was possible to have you procreate. At the time we had no knowledge of alphas and betas and omegas. The original candidates for that task were you and Ymir.”

Annie stared. Her mouth sagged open in shock. It felt like something had seized her stomach from the inside and was squeezing it hard.

Dr. Marion smiled. “We put that plan on hold in favor of observing Bertholdt and Eren and, well, now that we’ve gotten you out of the crystal and they’re both in various stages of gestation, I think this is the time to put you and Ymir to use.”

Annie lunged across the table and landed a right hook square in his face. There was a crunch, either from his glasses or his nose or both breaking, and then she was pulled, kicking and flailing, into a headlock and a pair of cuffs. Her knuckles were split and splintered with little shards of glass. A guard who wasn’t occupied with restraining her kneeled down and helped Dr. Marion to his feet.

“Gag her,” he said. His face went white where it wasn’t splotched with blood. “Make sure all of her limbs are bound. She’s more willing to leave the others behind so she’ll probably be more likely to shift.”

Annie felt almost as if she were in the crystal again, except now she had nothing to occupy her mind but the thought of how much she wanted to escape. She struggled for hours where she’d been left chained to a cot. They’d taken care to wrap her hands and feet in soft cloth first so the chains couldn’t rub her skin, preventing her from using it to shift. She writhed until every muscle in her body screamed in protest, then she fell limp. She wasn’t admitting defeat—she was only taking a break. As she rested she strained her senses, trying to locate the guards outside her cell and if Bertholdt, Reiner, or Ymir were close by.

Her cell was filthy. A sour scent, like dirt and waste that had been festering for weeks, clogged her nose and made her gag around the cloth in her mouth. There was only the sound of her guards breathing, occasionally speaking to one another in voices too quiet for her to decipher. She was cut off from everything. The only thing she could see was the ceiling.

She slept and awoke three times before anything changed. She strained to turn her head to the side enough so she could see outside her cell. Two of the guards snapped to attention. The third and shortest one didn’t uncross his arms even when Dr. Marion approached. Annie realized it was Captain Levi.

“You’re needed in Wall Rose,” Dr. Marion said, sounding unhappy. “The titans are threatening to overwhelm what little territory we’ve kept defended from them.”

“Who’s going to watch them, then?” Levi replied. He jerked a thumb back at Annie. “It took me and Mikasa both to get her under control the time before last, and even then we could only occupy her. There’s no taking her down without either of us or Eren around.”

“I’m aware of that,” Dr. Marion said icily. “It’s not my decision.”

“When am I being sent out?”

“The day after tomorrow. I had hoped to have you on hand when we put Reiner and Annie together, but I guess we’ll have to make do without you.”

Annie saw Levi go stiff. He cocked his head and glared up at Dr. Marion with an even nastier look in his eyes than usual. Dr. Marion noticed it too.

“Do you have something to say, Captain Levi?”

“I think what you’re doing is sick. I don’t like these shifters any more than any rational person out there, but even I get tired of being the bully after a while.”

Dr. Marion straightened up his glasses and gave Levi a thin, cold smile that made Annie look away. “My dear captain, you’ve always struck me as the sort of person who takes pleasure in committing violence for its own sake. At least what I’m doing serves a greater purpose beyond personal revenge or satisfaction.”

“I bet my foot up your ass would serve a greater purpose,” Levi retorted, “'cept I wouldn’t want to get shit on my boots when I’ve just cleaned them.”

Annie heard the soft shuffling of Dr. Marion’s footsteps as he turned and began to walk down the hall. After he was gone one of the guards released a long-held breath into a light, nervous laugh and said under her breath, “You really like to push your luck, Captain Levi.”

“It’s not like he can do anything worse than what he’s already done,” Levi said. Annie had no idea what he could mean by that. Whatever he was talking about made the other two guards exchange an uneasy glance. She recognized the motion. Bertholdt and Reiner often did it in their trainee days whenever they were chewed out for goofing off during training. She began to struggle against the chains again. No one, not even Levi, tried to stop her.

\- - -

Jean showed up bright and early the next morning. He was grim-faced as Eren gathered everything he’d need for the twins while they were away from the townhouse.

“You’re sure you want to go?” he asked as he followed Eren out the front door, Balder’s basket and a roll of blankets in tow. “Are you absolutely, one-hundred percent certain that you—”

“ _Yes_ ,” Eren hissed, motioning for him to hush. “Stop asking me, you’re going to wake them up.”

Jean invited himself into the carriage even though he was supposed to ride his horse back. He held onto Balder’s basket and made sure it wasn’t jostled as the carriage began to move, so Eren couldn’t complain. Eren himself felt queasy whenever they hit the slightest bump in the road. They didn’t talk much. There wasn’t really anything to say.

Eren peered out the window when they passed through the southernmost gate of Wall Sina. The gate opened into a large town that stretched on for several miles in either direction along the wall. It looked untouched: no signs of a titan invasion, but also no sign that any people still lived there. 

There were weeds growing everywhere, and here and there Eren spotted toys and playthings lying wherever children had dropped them. A few skinny stray dogs roamed the streets. One chased the carriage until they reached the outskirts of the town, at which point it sat down, threw its head back, and began to howl. Eren had seen far worse in his life, and yet something about the town sent a fresh wave of nausea rolling through his stomach.

“Stick your head out the window if you’re going to puke,” Jean said in an alarmed tone when he noticed how green Eren was.

“I’m not going to puke,” Eren snapped.

“Okay, okay.”

About three hours passed before the came across the next town. There were soldiers stationed here, on watch in the streets and on the rooftops. There were only about twenty-five in total, and half of them were injured in some way. A small blonde soldier briefly met Eren’s eyes before turning her head. She looked young, younger even than Eren. She must have just joined the scouting legion.

“Have you made any headway against the titans?” Eren asked.

Jean gave him a half-smile that was devoid of any humor. “So little that it can’t really count. We’ve gotten better at killing them before they kill us but there’s so fucking many of them that it doesn’t matter. It’s gotten to the point where the king’s debating whether or not he should march out some of the refugees in Wall Sina as hors d'oeuvres.”

“Like what they did when Wall Maria fell,” Eren said faintly, recalling Armin’s grandfather. He found he couldn’t even remember what he’d looked like anymore. Jean nodded. He flinched when Balder gave a sudden wail and might have knocked the basket over if Eren hadn’t darted forward and caught it. After giving Jean a glare that could have curdled milk, he lifted Balder out and held him. The only constants in Eren’s life at this point was that Váli would never cry if Balder was and that whenever Váli _did_ cry Balder did his best to drown him out. He explained this to Jean as he settled Balder down.

“You’re smiling,” Jean said when Eren was done. Eren hid his mouth with one hand and held Balder tighter with the other one.

“They remind me of me and Mikasa when we were little,” he mumbled, embarrassed. “Mikasa never gave Mom any trouble since I got into enough for both of us.”

“I bet you were a scary kid.”

“More than you know.”

Jean looked down at where Eren held Váli’s basket between his feet. Váli was awake, staring up at Eren patiently and blowing spit bubbles to occupy himself. Eren passed Balder over to Jean and scooped him up.

From the way Jean tried to handle Balder as little as possible Eren thought he must not have much experience with babies, but then he remembered that Jean had three younger sisters and had been in charge of looking after them when his parents were busy. “Do they bother you?”

Jean glanced up after he set Balder down. “It’s not them so much as . . . you.”

“Me?”

Jean looked uncomfortable. “Well it’s not really _you_ , more like . . . well . . . you’re . . . y’know. And you said it’s Captain Levi’s.”

Eren stared at him. Jean went on hurriedly, “I just wasn’t aware the two of you were like that to each other. So to me, er, it’s kind of a shock is—”

“We’re not,” Eren cut him off. He put Vali back down in his basket and set his hands on his knees, feeling his nails dig in through the fabric of his pants. He didn’t know what Jean expected him to say. He couldn’t tell him the truth the way he’d told Mikasa and Armin back in Levi’s garden. It had been shameful and embarrassing, yet it had also made him feel free, like he’d released a captive bird from its cage. Those months he spent planning his escape, even if it had been for nothing, had felt good. He wanted to feel like that again, and yet he also didn’t want to upset this fragile illusion of normalcy he had with Jean. “We weren’t ever . . .”

“Did you want to be?”

“I don’t know,” Eren said. “I honestly don’t know.”

It was an irrelevant question, he thought. He looked out the window for the remainder of the ride. Whatever he may or may not have felt, it wouldn’t amount to anything now, not when the very thought of Levi elicited such vivid memories of those three days in his room, arousing and disgusting all at once. A younger Eren might have gotten mad and cried, but he was older now, more tired than angry. He knew better than to fight back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in one month YEEEAH *falls over*


	6. Chapter 6

Winters were always harsh in the mountains. As the youngest in a family of seven Reiner got to sleep in the center of their mass of blankets and bodies, so he didn’t think they were all that bad. It was difficult rationing food for so long and not being able to run around without his coat, but snowball fights with Berik and Bertholdt were always fun, so there was that, too.

This morning, like most winter mornings, he stayed huddled under the covers and reveled in his family’s lingering body heat for as long as possible before rousing himself and getting dressed before one of his brothers could come and wake him by force. At eleven, he was too old to sneak off and go play when there were chores to be done, so those had to be taken care of first. After all the snow had been shoveled from in front of the doorway and the blankets had been put back in order, Reiner took one of his brothers’ large coats off its hook and pulled it snug around himself before heading out into the cold.

Their village was scattered across a valley, divided by clusters of trees and bushes and, in some places, frozen creeks and treacherous pits of snow. There was a thin, winding path that led from his family’s house, which was really just a small cabin, to the center of the village. From there he took the main path, which would lead him by Bertholdt’s house. Further down the path and through some trees was Berik’s.

Bertholdt’s mother answered the door before Reiner could knock twice. She looked down at him and then craned her neck so she could peer over him hopefully. Seeing no one, she sighed and said, “I haven’t been able to find Bertholdt all morning. I was hoping that he was with you.”

“I just woke up,” Reiner said, a little embarrassed. It wasn’t very responsible of him to sleep so late, but the blankets had been so warm and it was so cold out here today. His breath rose up before his face in thin puffs.

“It’s not like him to miss breakfast,” Bertholdt’s mother said, wringing her hands. She had long, almost claw-like fingers that at the moment were pink from the chill. She rubbed them together more vigorously. “He hasn’t been feeling well lately. I don’t know what he’s thinking, going off in this weather. . . . Unless—”

A look of horror flashed across her long, thin face and she retreated back into the doorway and turned her head, presumably so she could speak to her husband. She looked so concerned that Reiner figured he wouldn’t bother her any longer. He hopped off the Hoovers’ porch and continued along the path to Berik’s house.

Berik had only one sibling, a younger sister who was a lot nicer than Reiner’s four older brothers put together were. She let him in so he could sit by the fire while she scurried down the hall to Berik’s room. Berik looked surprised when he emerged a few minutes later, his short curly hair ruffled up and his shirt riding halfway up his back, exposing a second layer of clothes.

“Where’s Bert?” he asked, looking around the same way Bertholdt’s mom had, as if he would find Bertholdt standing somewhere he couldn’t be seen easily, which was absurd. Bertholdt had sprouted several inches in the past few months, making him impossible to miss.

“I thought he’d be with you. His mom said she hasn’t seen him around today.”

Berik’s expression grew thoughtful. He was quiet for a moment, thinking, then suggested, “Let’s go look for him, then. It might be something serious.”

Berik reminded Reiner of an adult, even though his thirteenth birthday wasn’t for another seven months: he always assumed the worst case scenario. Reiner liked that about him. It made him more reliable than Reiner’s brothers, who thought everything was a joke to laugh at.

There were maybe two hundred people in the village, dispersed throughout fifty or so houses. The center of the village was cramped, and further out were houses like Reiner and Berik’s, situated along thin, winding pathways that led off into the wilderness. It took them all morning to ask around and see if anyone knew where Bertholdt had gone. When that proved fruitless they went to the stables, then the biggest creek. When lunchtime came around and they still hadn’t found Bertholdt, Reiner started getting nervous. 

They ate at Berik’s house in silence. Berik rolled up some leftovers in a cloth and stuck it in his pocket to give to Bertholdt when—not if, he insisted—they found him. At this point Berik looked a little irritable, though whether it was because of his own failure to find Bertholdt or because Bertholdt had run off in the first place, Reiner didn’t know. It was an odd expression for Berik. He’d been calm and easy-going as a child, and after presenting as a beta he’d become, if possible, even more patient. He frowned as they stood side by side on the porch, squinting against the glare of the sun.

“I think I know what might have happened,” he said, setting off without elaborating. When Reiner made to follow after him he waved him toward a different direction. “We can cover more ground if we split up. Why don’t you go check down south and I’ll check the north?”

“Sure thing,” Reiner said. He doubted Bertholdt would be hiding out in the forest in this kind of weather, but at this point he’d look anywhere. He wandered around for a couple of hours, sometimes venturing off the trail and even looking up into the trees as if hoping to see Bertholdt perched up there. At one point he came across a little blonde girl he saw around the village sometimes whose name he remembered was Annie. She was dressed in three layers of clothes patched from animal furs that made her look like the tiniest bear in the valley.

He snorted so loudly at the thought that she looked over at him, something she didn’t normally do. Whenever he’d come across her sparring before she would always ignore him. As it was she spared him just a short glance before going back to punching a dummy made out of old clothes and some damp straw.

“Hey,” Reiner called, trudging over to her. “Have you seen Bertholdt around? About yea tall—“ He stretched up on his toes and held his hand up a few inches above his head. “— big nose, always with me?”

“He went by my house this morning at the crack of dawn,” she said begrudgingly, settling back into a stance. She did seem like the type who’d be up and about earlier than should be allowed. “Ran off into the woods still in his pajamas.”

Annie, if Reiner remembered right, lived somewhere in the northernmost part of the village. Reiner thanked her and sprinted off. He was sweating by the time he reached the main cluster again. Their village wasn’t all that big, but it was spread out so much that it took forever to get from one end to the other, especially for someone like him. His whole family leaned toward the sturdy, robust side; they were built for strength and endurance, not speed.

He was dripping in sweat when he reached Annie’s house, but he pushed on, wishing desperately that he would go ahead and present as an alpha so he could be more attuned to people’s scents. It was a unanimous belief that that was what he’d turn out to be when the time came. He had most of the usual traits, his parents liked to point out, most prominent among them his compassion. Though, he thought as he slowed down to catch his breath, that didn’t necessarily mean anything. His brothers had as much compassion as a pile of rocks, and they were all alphas.

There was an odd scent on the wind that confused him when he first caught wind of it. It was so faint that it was intriguing, and he lost it two or three times trying to follow it. When he managed to catch hold of it and follow it up a slope, it grew stronger. It raised the hairs along the back of his neck. When he crested the slope he stopped and looked around. There were three dilapidated, half-built cabins, covered in snow and dead vegetation. The breeze picked up again and this time, underneath the overpowering presence of the new smell, was Berik’s scent.

Reiner trudged forward through the snow and approached a barrel alongside one of the little cabins, his heart thudding harder the closer he got. That was Bertholdt’s scent, he realized distantly, but something was off.

“Berik,” he called. No response. Louder, he repeated, “Berik! Is that you? Hey, Berik—”

He hoisted himself up over the edge of the barrel, eyes widening. There was Berik and Bertholdt huddled together in the barrel. Bertholdt tilted his head back and met his eyes for a brief moment before Berik launched himself upward and knocked Reiner flat on his back. Reiner was stunned. Berik had never hit him before, had never gotten angry with him. He hadn’t even done anything to warrant being pushed.

“What—ouch! Berik, get off of me!” Berik was smaller, but he held Reiner down with an unnatural strength. He didn’t let up no matter how hard Reiner squirmed. He hadn’t gotten much more than a glimpse of Bertholdt and there was obviously something wrong. He caught his breath and asked, “What’s happened to Bertholdt?”

“Go away,” Berik said in a harsh, warning tone. He got to his feet and tensed when Reiner sat up and tried to go back to the barrel.

“What’s happened to Bertholdt?” he asked again, his words rushing out in a sharp exhale when Berik pushed him again. Bertholdt’s scent was thick and cloying, laden with fear. Reiner sat in the snow, his chest aching where Berik had pushed him, and felt incredibly helpless. “Is he hurt?”

Berik backed up a step, glaring. “He’s in heat right now and you don’t need to be near him. _Go_.”

Reiner gaped. No one, least of all Berik, had ever before told him he couldn’t be near Bertholdt. “But—”

“Go!” Berik snarled.

Reiner continued to sit for another minute or two, trying to come to grips with the fact that Bertholdt—tall, gangly, quiet Bertholdt—was an omega. In Reiner’s view, he was simply too timid to be an omega. By nature they tended to be independent, stubborn, and a little reckless, everything Bertholdt wasn’t. Berik didn’t touch Reiner again, though he stood guard in front of the barrel and glared at Reiner until he managed to upright himself. He turned and went back into the woods, his legs heavy and his head spinning.

He wasn’t allowed to visit Bertholdt while he was in heat, even though Berik, being a beta, was, so he spent the next week by himself. His brothers refrained from teasing him about being alone too much, which just made him feel worse.

Six days later, he was sulking in the main room when someone knocked on the front door. He heard his father go answer it, his footsteps heavy and making the floorboards creak. He spoke quietly with whoever had come to call, then his footsteps grew louder and he poked his head through the doorway.

“Reiner, son,” he said, “there’s someone here to see you.”

Reiner unearthed himself from the pile of blankets and hoped for one desperate moment that it was Berik or Bertholdt or perhaps both of them, but instead three ancient, decrepit elders filed into the room, their footsteps uneven and so light the floors didn’t creak under their weight. They reminded Reiner of the cabins up in the north; their faces were wrinkled and weather-beaten. When they pulled down their hoods he could see one was bald save for a sad tuft of silvery white hair at his left temple, one was missing most of her teeth, and one had intense black eyes that made Reiner feel as if he were staring down into a bottomless well.

Reiner knew the rumors about the elders, of course, but he didn’t know which rumors, if any of them, were true. He knew it was said that the black-eyed one could see the future, that the toothless one could bring dead things back to life, and that the bald one could change his form and become a monster. 

It was rare for anyone except for a select few to meet with the elders, even rarer for the elders to leave their home and visit someone else. They were over a century old, the last living three of a group of over forty who had first established the village all that time ago.

The bald one raised a trembling hand and shooed Reiner’s father away. He shut the door behind him, leaving Reiner alone with three old, smelly strangers. They seated themselves in chairs and said nothing for several long, uncomfortable minutes. Reiner sat up straight and waited.

“What are you, boy?” the toothless one asked. Her voice was hoarse and hardly louder than a whisper. When Reiner looked at her, confused, she clarified, “Your class. Are you a beta or . . . ?”

“I’m an alpha,” he said immediately. “Well, I haven’t presented yet but I think that’s what I’ll be.”

To his amazement, the black-eyed one smiled. “I think so, too. I can tell these things.”

“Bertram also predicted your friend would be an omega. But considering an omega hasn’t been born to us in almost thirty years, it was bound to happen soon,” the toothless one added, pursing her wizened lips. “Nonetheless he makes sure to inform us that he was right every chance he gets.” She made some kind of soft, wheezing noise that might have been a sigh.

Reiner nodded to be polite and clutched at the blankets.

They fell silent for several more minutes, for the most part staring at him. Once or twice one would turn their head and murmur to the other two about something in a voice too quiet for him to hear. Whatever they were talking about, they seemed to disagree on. Finally the toothless one burst out as loud as her failing voice would allow, “We aren’t sure about that!”

“ _You_ aren’t sure, Idunn,” Bertram replied calmly, facing Reiner again with that same small, reassured smile. “But as for me, I am certain.”

Finally the bald one spoke. “We have no choice.” With that, he too looked at Reiner. His eyes weren’t as void as Bertram’s, but there was something about his harsh, swarthy face that was twice as frightening. He seemed almost to be more beast than man, despite his lack of hair. “We have a favor to ask of you, Reiner. Or rather, a mission. You won’t have to do it alone. If Bertram is right—which he usually is, if you twist circumstances enough in his favor—then you will indeed present as an alpha, and therefore complete the trio we need.”

He gestured again with his hand, too weak to do more than raise it an inch or so above his knee, and indicated his companions. “We are also a trio of alpha—” He waved vaguely at Idunn. “—beta” He strained to point at Bertram. “—and omega.” He dropped his hand back in his lap. “For our kind, three is the ideal unit. It strengthens us. And for the task ahead of you, you will need strength in excess.”

Reiner understood little of what they were talking about. He said nothing and waited to see if they would explain some more. They merely stared at him. After a few minutes of that he asked hesitantly, “What do you want me—us—to do?”

“We _need_ you,” the bald one corrected, “to leave the village.”

Leave the village—Reiner wasn’t sure if the idea were more frightening or exciting. It was a game among the children of the village to dare one another to venture farther than the stretches of the mountain, but of course it was never carried out. The mountains were too big. The idea of there being flat land beyond the mountains was little more than speculation.

Idunn spoke again. “Bertram has had visions of a future where we can all leave the village and be free to explore as we did so long ago.” Her feeble voice grew even softer. “I remember the fields—I was even younger than you are. There were no walls or mountains, only prairies where I grew up.”

Reiner didn’t know what a prairie was, but Idunn looked so sad that he was afraid to ask. Something about her words nagged at the back of his mind. “Weren’t you forced to leave because there were monsters?” he asked. When they all nodded gravely he said, “But—but that’s just nonsense! That’s the kind of stuff my brothers tell me so I’ll be scared of going out into the woods at night. It’s just a story.”

“Oh, no,” Bertram said. “No, when I was a boy your age my village was attacked by these monsters. They eat people. Perhaps what makes them even more horrifying is the fact that they look just like us. They’re like humans, but bigger. They are giants.”

Reiner’s mouth fell open. Bertram continued his story, sounding almost happy to have an audience. “In those days the gods interacted with us more freely and it was not impossible for one or two of us to display, ah, gifts. Or curses, depending on what you and your peers thought of them.” He smiled again, and this time there was no humor. “I predicted my own village’s demise, of course. They came in the form of nightmares. No one took me seriously, so I set off alone before the giants came. I wandered for many weeks before I was taken in by Idunn’s clan.”

“We traveled the prairies,” she said wistfully. “We could live wherever we wanted to, free to roam.”

“I tried to warn her people when I had more visions, and they kicked me out,” Bertram went on. “I managed to convince her to come with me, however. And after many years of wandering we found Siegmund.”

The bald one grunted. “I know you’ve heard the stories, boy,” he said. “What do you think I can do, based on what you’ve heard?”

Reiner pulled the blankets around himself again and eyed Siegmund. “I’ve always heard that you can . . . you can change your form.”

“Into what?” Siegmund demanded. When Reiner shrugged he said impatiently, “I was once a giant. A hulking, man-eating monster. Before that I was a boy. When I was a giant I tried to devour Idunn, and when she touched me I became a human again. More specifically, I became a child again. I am older than these mountains, boy. She returned me to what I once was and in the process gave me a gift of my own. _I can change back_. I am the bridge between man and monster. But I’m old, boy. Bertram can tell you my time grows short. He can also tell you that in order to save our people my powers must be carried on. And I’ve chosen you for that purpose, you and your beta friend and the omega boy.”

Siegmund’s wrinkled face was beaded with sweat by the time he finished speaking. He dabbed at his bald head with his sleeve. Idunn continued in his place. “I met another gifted child during my travels, though at the time I didn’t realize it. He was only a baby. When I saw him again he had also become a monster, though Bertram has seen he has not been a monster for quite some time. We need you to find him and bring him back. His gift may very well save us all.”

Reiner had no idea what to say to any of this. There were so many questions crowding his mind that he didn’t know which to voice first. He looked from one elder to the next. “What is his gift?”

“Will,” Bertram replied. “He can impose his will on other beings. Idunn’s touch could very well revert the other giants to their natural state, but she’d just as soon get killed or eaten or both trying to do it. She has to touch them in a very specific place.” He tilted his head back and indicated the lump at the front of his throat. “We should be thankful that Siegmund was so small and slow, and that I was blessed with the foresight of his weak spot—”

“Shut up,” Siegmund grumbled.

“We think that we can use this other child’s gift to revert the giants back to humans,” Betram said. “Unfortunately my sight has become weaker in my old age, and I don’t know if this endeavor will be successful or not. I do know that it must be undertaken by a trinity, and as the three of us grow closer to our final days I’m afraid we are ineligible.”

“Can’t she just touch you again?” Reiner asked. Idunn gave an offended sniff.

“My touch only works on a person once,” she said stiffly. “Bertram and I were already adults when we met Siegmund. I pared us down to Siegmund’s age so we could grow old again together. I can’t stall our deaths any further.”

There was a knock at the door. It opened without waiting for a reply and one of Reiner’s brothers peered in.

“You attendants tracked you down,” he said. “Dad asks if you’ll leave before they kick down the door.”

“Blast,” Siegmund said. “Bertram, why didn’t you say anything? We could have left before they found us. It’s been too long since I’ve seen the snow.”

“My visions come to me as they please, my old friend. I can’t conjure the future up on a whim.” 

“Besides, you’ll get pneumonia if you stay in the snow any longer,” Idunn said. “We need you to stay around long enough to bless the boy.”

Siegmund groaned and gestured for Reiner to come close. Reiner untangled himself from the blankets and walked to him. “Turn around,” he said gruffly. Reiner turned. “Get on your knees, I can’t reach that far.”

Reiner sank to his knees. He nearly jumped when he felt Siegmund’s shaking hands on the back of his neck. Without warning, the old man bit him so hard it felt like he was trying to rip Reiner’s flesh apart. Reiner cried out and pushed him away, scrabbling forward across the floor.

When he whirled back around, his heart racing, he saw that Bertram and Idunn had caught Siegmund before he could fall over. There was a little bit of blood on the old man’s pale lips, but not enough to suggest he’d bitten Reiner with the intention of tearing off his flesh. He grinned. “There you have it, boy. The power is yours. Once you’ve recovered I’ll show you how to use it, but no more today. I need to rest.”

Bertram and Idunn helped him pull his hood up, then led the way out of the room. Reiner’s brother stood aside so they could pass. Once the door had shut, he looked at Reiner. “Did that old fart just _bite_ you?”

Reiner was going to nod, but his head was spinning so fast that it hurt to move. He tried to stand and felt his legs give way almost immediately. When he hit the floor he felt something warm and wet and realized that he must have vomited.

\- - -

He came to quite suddenly and found himself lying on a bed. That was his first indication that something wasn’t right; his family didn’t own a bed. He blinked blearily, trying to get his vision to come into focus. He tried to say something but his jaw was even less cooperative than his eyes. He began to flail around in a panic when a familiar voice said, “Reiner, no, you’ve knocked the water over, I just filled that up . . .”

“Burdolt,” he groaned.

Yes, those were definitely Bertholdt’s hands on his face. He was trying to maneuver Reiner’s mouth open so he could help him drink the water, but Reiner was so worked up at being reunited that it wasn’t working very well. What little water was left dribbled all over Reiner’s face and ran into his nose.

“Reiner, honestly,” Bertholdt said over Reiner’s spluttering. He rubbed all over Reiner’s face with a scratchy rag. By this point Reiner could see more clearly. He squinted up at Bertholdt and gave him a once over. Bertholdt had dark bags under his eyes and he looked exhausted, but his scent was back to normal and when he noticed Reiner staring at him he gave Reiner a small, hesitant smile. “I’m fine. I hope you are, too.”

“M’fine,” Reiner said, though he didn’t feel like it. His neck ached where Siegmund had bitten him and his head ached as he tried to think about all the things they’d told him. “Bert, have you . . . ever wanted to leave the village . . . ?”

“No,” Bertholdt said at once. “Of course not.”

Reiner met his eyes. “Well, let’s say that I had to leave. And I didn’t have a choice. And I probably wouldn’t come back . . . would you go with me?”

“Yes,” Bertholdt said, not even biting his lip or pulling his legs to his chest like he always did when he needed time to think. “Of course.”

“Bert,” Reiner said.

“Hm?”

“I think I’m going to throw up again . . .”

Bertholdt sprang to his feet and ran off, saying something about going to get a bucket. Reiner watched him go. His neck throbbed when he tried to turn his neck too hard. If it weren’t for that he might have thought his meeting with the elders had just been some far-fetched dream. When Bertholdt return with a shallow pan Reiner asked him where Berik was.

Bertholdt fumbled the pan. “He was summoned by the elders,” he said, catching the pan. “I don’t know what for, but they showed up here yesterday. We were both looking after you, your family said it would be easier in a house with less people.”

“If he comes back with a bite on his neck then they’ll take you off next and tell you what they told me.”

“A _what_?” Bertholdt said.

“Maybe I can tell you now,” Reiner mused, patting the blankets. Bertholdt settled down beside him, looking confused. “Right, where should I even start . . . okay, so you know all those rumors about the elders and how they can do freaky things?”

Bertholdt nodded.

“They’re true,” Reiner said. “Those stories about what’s outside the village we’ve been told? They’re all true, too.”

\- 

“That’s a load of bullshit,” Ymir said contemptuously. Her chains clinked together as she stretched out her legs.

“It’s true,” Reiner said. “Why else do you think eating Berik allowed you to become human again? You must have ingested his powers or something. It’s the only reason I can think of.”

She didn’t reply to that, only frowned. Being in a cell with Ymir hadn’t been completely pleasant—it depended on what kind of mood they were both in—but over the past few days they’d bonded, if only a little. “So these old geezers in your village had the bright idea to save your people by wiping out everyone else using the same monsters that were terrorizing them? I’m not following that logic.”

“Well, that’s what they told us,” Reiner muttered, wishing he could lower his arms, which were chained up to the wall above his head. “They told us a lot of things so we’d come here. They even . . .” He swallowed. “They even told us after Berik died that they’d predicted it. They let him go down the mountain with us even though they knew it would happen.”

At that Ymir totally lost it. “So they let the boy go down even though they knew I’d eat him and then they want to hunt me for ‘stealing’ his powers?” she snarled. “Why the hell didn’t they just pick someone different to begin with?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” she repeated derisively. “If I were you I wouldn’t want to go back, not after what they’ve done to you.”

“We have to go back, Ymir. It’s our home. It’s our way.” He lowered his head. “. . . I’m scared of them.”

Ymir snorted, but her next words didn’t have quite as much heat. “They couldn’t get to you here, Reiner, not if they’re as old as you say. You and Bert and Annie should’ve just come here and lived how you wanted to.”

“At the time all I wanted was to do what they said,” he said quietly.

“I take it that’s not the case anymore. So, what do you want to do now, Reiner?”

He didn't even have to think about it. “I want to see Bertholdt.”

Not a day later the guards returned and took him out of Ymir’s cell. He noticed that Corporal Levi wasn’t among them, which struck him as odd. He also noticed that they were taking him to yet another new cell, this one large and dim and smelling like an omega in heat. They shoved him through the door and pulled it shut behind them; unlike the other cells, the walls here were made of stone and the door was made of solid wood. The only way anyone could see them was if they looked through the small window in the door, and by the sound of footsteps Reiner figured he didn’t have to worry about that.

Talking with Ymir had reminded him of many things. He had a duty, not to the village, not to the mission, but to Bertholdt and Annie and, he supposed, Ymir. After all, alphas were supposed to be considerate of others’ needs. He went to where Bertholdt was curled against the far wall, radiating desire and pain and loneliness, and touched his sweat-damp hair. Bertholdt didn’t move into his touch. Instead he shied away and mumbled, “Not again, Reiner, I can’t.”

“You won’t,” Reiner said. He sat down beside Bertholdt and gently held him in his arms. Bertholdt held tight to his shoulders and pressed his cheek against Reiner’s collarbones. “ _I_ won’t. Not now.”

“I’m tired, Reiner,” Bertholdt went on. “I don’t even want to go back to how things were. We can’t, not after all of this. I just want—I want something different. Something new.”

“Have you noticed something about the guards, Bertholdt? They don’t really guard us anymore.” A primal part of Reiner’s mind was straining. Bertholdt’s smell brought back memories of that winter day that had changed everything. He wasn’t a beast, though, he was a man (a boy, another part of his mind said, just a stupid little boy, weren’t they both?). He wasn’t going to wait for change to spring up on him this time; he was going to bring it about himself. “When does your heat end?”

“In a couple of days . . . it’s almost over . . .”

“I think we should take advantage of this opportunity,” Reiner said quietly, eyeing the door just in case a guard decided to peer in at the wrong moment. “I think they need to be reminded of who we are, don’t you?”

He felt Bertholdt’s lips move into a smile against his skin. “Yeah,” he whispered, lifting his head and meeting Reiner’s eyes just before a shudder went through his body. For the first time in a long, long time he looked certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: there are some continuity errors I need to go back and fix now that this chapter has come together, so if small details of the plot don't quite line up then rest assured that I'm going to fix them! Apart from major plot points like "Marion lies to Eren and Levi" or "Marion uses Bertholdt to lure Annie out of her crystal" or "hmm I haven't written about Reiner and Ymir as much as I want to" or "Levi tells Eren [spoiler] causing Eren to [SPOILER]" I don't really plan out what I'm doing. DON'T WRITE LIKE ME.
> 
> another fun fact: this is a long-ass chapter because I'm super disgruntled that I haven't been able to update as often as I want to :v


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